October 10, 2005
I felt pretty confident that I had the squid problem solved with my python idea. However, ever-vigilant & patriotic land-lubber Brad has brought to my attention a curious detail he noticed in this article about the Southern California otter ban:
Capturing an otter that strayed out of bounds was a daunting task. Divers wearing specialized equipment would sneak up on an otter while it was asleep.
Armed with this new information, Brad writes: "I think we need to get ahold of this 'specialized equipment' and attack the giant squids while they sleep. Cephalopods be gone!"
While I appreciate the fervor of Brad's squid-hate, his idea is crazy. To wit: otters are adorable creatures who give out magical hugs - they want to be snuck up on by people. Squid, on the other hand, are pure raging evil. Everybody knows that squid don't sleep, and that they've got eyes all around their squishy heads. You could try to sneak up on it, and then, just when you thought you had it, you'd discover that its eyes weren't really closed at all, but that it was peering at you through the slits of its eyelids like some kid cheating at a classroom game of seven-up, and then it'd pull some tentacle-fu and stuff you into its hungry gaping maw. And it'd probably laugh while it did it.
Now, if we could further specialize this equipment to a.) shoot torpedos and/or lazers and b.) fit pythons, then we might be getting somewhere.
Posted by starlen at October 10, 2005 09:52 AM
Comments
Magic hugs WITH LASERBEAM PAWS! FUCK Yeah! Let those sea bears take on the evil squids.
Posted by: Alex at October 10, 2005 10:46 AM
Powers Fucking Boothe doesn't need any special equipment to kill squids or otters. He snakes his tongue out directly into their soul, rips it, screaming, from their bodies, and swallows it whole, dooming it to an eternity of blinding pain inside his acid-lined gullet.
Posted by: doug at October 11, 2005 02:10 AM
I didn't want to drop the PFB quite yet, you know - in a "don't let 'em know what you're holding" sense. But the PFB's a busy man, as you know, so I think he's really our last line of defense.
Posted by: starlen at October 11, 2005 07:52 AM
