August 31, 2005
Card-carrying.
My long history of working for the Moral Majority (read: signing up for Falwell's free newsletter) qualifies me as a Charter Member.
Which I'm pretty sure makes me automatically right in anything I say, regardless of whether or not I know anything about what I'm talking about. See that? I've got 'Merica and God on my side. So eat it, punk.
Posted by starlen at 10:52 AM | Comments (1)
August 29, 2005
Leave it to WorldNetDaily ...
...to put an event into proper perspective.
I like the fact that WorldNetDaily is still stuck on Kerry, almost a full year after the election. A funeral for Hunter S. Thompson, and they pick up the important details - Kerry and blow-up sex dolls.
Thanks to Matt for the heads-up.
Posted by starlen at 02:22 PM | Comments (0)
August 23, 2005
Psychotic Cat Found!
When I was in Seattle, I found this sign near my friends Matt and Rachel's house. You can click for a larger view - it says:
CAUTION
PSYCHOTIC CAT ATTACKS ANY SIZE DOG
SORRY!
While there, I saw no sign of the cat. Being back in Los Angeles a few days later, my opportunities to hunt a cat down in Seattle were limited. I needed an inside man, and Matt was just the candidate - he was out of town at the time I took the photo, baking in the sun, digging up rocks in Utah or something. But he shared my enthusiasm for the sign, and, upon his return, we hatched a plan to track down the cat.
Our elaborate plan was conceived and plotted something like this:
Me: So, school starts when?
Matt: Like the end of September or something.
Me: Awesome. What's going on until then?
Matt: Um...nothing, really. Some video games.
(Matt and I sometimes play an embarrasing amount of Halo 2 together)
Me: Awesome. So...maybe you should try to find the cat and take a picture of it.
Matt: Yeah, I could do that. I got nothing else going on.
Me: I'll pay you five dollars.
Matt: Deal!
With our strategic plan officially hatched and mapped out, Matt, like a true champ, walked the half-block up the street each day, camera in hand, looking for the cat. After two weeks with no cat sightings, I suggested maybe Matt should get a dog to entice the cat to attack. Matt said no; I questioned his commitment to the task at hand.
Distrust began to grow between the two of us.
Then, a week later, we were dealt a striking blow. The Psychotic Cat sign was taken down. Our enthusiasm waned considerably.
Matt worried that they might have noticed him walking just past their house and turning around each day, especially with his camera. It did seem a bit stalker-y, all things considered. I'd probably call the cops on Matt if he passed my house each day, and that's even with knowing him. Things looked hopeless.
But lo! Today brought a welcome surprise - an email from Matt, with three photos attached:
Alright...here are some pictures of the elusive psychotic cat, I believe.
In truth, he was quite friendly and soft. Maybe he just freaks when he sees dogs. I can't say. Anyway, voila!
-Matt
And, so, without further ado, the psychotic cat:
I had at least hoped for a picture of the cat springing from the hillside, claws and fangs unleashed, but I guess the blurry, glowy-eyed photo will have to do. More flattering (and in-focus), less psycho pictures of the cat can be found here and here.
I'm sad to report that Matt appears to have lost no limbs, nor suffered even a scratch. And I guess I owe him five dollars.
Posted by starlen at 10:48 PM | Comments (0)
August 21, 2005
At least they're targeting older boys.
"Just as Keanu Reeves fought against the powers of evil, a priest comes to help people fight against sin. There is a battle out there," explained Father Jonathan Meyer, associate director of youth and young adult ministry for the Archdiocese of Indianapolis.
And so begins the Catholic church's newest attempt at recruiting for the priesthood. Father Meyer, explains:
"Today's seminarian," he said, "is engaged with the world but is also committed to orthodoxy, like (Pope) John Paul II."
Somehow, I don't think Papa Juan Pablo Dos saw the Matrix. I do think, however, that he would have appreciated the "big tae kwan do number," set to music from the Matrix, performed to distribute 500 of the posters at a high school rally. After all, we all know PJPII was a fan of poppin' and lockin'.
Posted by starlen at 11:00 PM | Comments (0)
August 18, 2005
Judd Apatow's Best Writing
I'm looking forward to The 40 Year-Old Virgin. I'm a fan of Steve Carell, and I like what I hear about Judd Apatow, as someone who never watched Freaks & Geeks or Undeclared.
Despite having never seen those shows, I'm still pretty sure that Apatow's best writing can be found here, in an email exchange from late 2001 between him and Mark Brazill, the creator of That 70s Show, detailing the bitter dissolution of their friendship.
While Brazill's demand that Apatow "get cancer" is hilarious, Apatow's retort is even better.
Posted by starlen at 09:26 AM | Comments (0)
August 17, 2005
It Came from 1986! Vol 2
Another journal entry from my Go-Bots spiral notebook, written many years ago in a state far, far away (Georgia, to be exact). All spelling and punctuation are verbatim from the book (and pretty flawless in this particular entry):
Nov. 13, 1986
Today clowns came in and gave us a package with things inside. This is what is inside: A magnet that says kids against drugs, and a bumper sticker, 2 packs of life savers candy and a coloring book.
I don't remember this exactly - not as much as I remember the dentist who gave me the toothpaste, which I surreptitiously ate straight from the tube on the bus ride home - and I imagine it has something to do with me BLOCKING IT OUT OF MY MIND. I mean, really, MULTIPLE clowns. And what the shit are they doing talking to kids about drugs?
But, hey, thanks for the Life Savers, which are really good for a seven-year-old kid wearing Husky size Rustlers who'll grow up with a weight issue. But who hasn't, incidentally, done any drugs. (But will cry and hold himself at the thought and/or sight of clowns.)
Posted by starlen at 08:44 PM | Comments (0)
August 13, 2005
God loves mimes and kittens
DROP EVERYTHING YOU'RE DOING and check out K&K Mime. And for the love of God (quite literally, apparently), don't skip the flash intro.
Moving on - I've entered my cat, Agamemnon Bob, into KittenWar. He's batting 1 for 1 1 for 2 right now, and needs your support:
Aggie.
So, let the Kitten Wars begin. And don't forget to take a moment to check out the Losingest Kittens.
Posted by starlen at 02:05 PM | Comments (4)
August 08, 2005
Some doubt guilt . . .
...of executed man in Missouri, reads the headline of an AP story. The piece describes the events surrounding the conviction of Roy "Hog" Roberts, who was put to death in 1999 for his part in the murder of a prison guard.
Apparently, a number of facts make it highly probable that he was innocent, which he proclaimed loudly to the very end. The chief investigator for the state in the case helpfully sets this straight: "He was obese and he had a loud mouth, and he just caused problems," a statement which, considering its ad hominem nature, maybe tells us little about Roberts and more about the investigator.
Now, I'm not completely against the idea of the death penalty. And I'm not going to argue the merits of this case based on one news article. But I was given pause by one statement about executions in the US in general:
There has never been a known case of an innocent person being executed in the U.S., and those on both sides agree such a determination would create unprecedented concerns about the death penalty.
This seems a bit nitpicky. The work of the Center on Wrongful Convictions has almost single-handedly led to the exoneration of 18 death row inmates in Illinois. That's exonerations - as in released from prison, sent free, wrongly convicted, innocent.
Now, if we look at the fact that, for example, George W. Bush rubber-stamped the executions of over 150 inmates during his tenure as the governor of Texas, a state notorious for its poor public defense, it seems impossible to think that no innocent people have been executed. Sure, it's slightly reductive or simplistic logic, but I'm willing to bet if the Center had more resources, or had they focused exclusively on Texas, that the number of executions under W. wouldn't have been quite as high.
So, while there's no "known case" of the execution of an innocent - no confirmed wrongful execution to point at - there's enough doubt and enough information pointing in that direction that the statement seems a little too sure at best, and a little dishonest at worst.
Posted by starlen at 10:10 AM | Comments (2)
Understated.
So, a man kills his wife after they have sex because he wants to watch sports and she wants to "cuddle." I won't bother asking why this is reported as news, because I have a general understanding of misguided prurient interests when it comes to sensational news stories (and then I'd have to point out that my bringing attention to it is only making it worse, and really, I'd rather stay blameless in this whole affair). But this quote from the judge caught my attention:
"The defendant struck his wife approximately 70 individual blows after spending a happy interlude with her," the judge said. "Her desire to cuddle after sex does not justify the extremely violent, brutal response of the defendant."
First problem with this: it's, well, a bit of an understatement. The second problem with this, as both myself and Siana noticed, is that the judge has phrased this in such a way as to imply that some response to her "desire to cuddle" was justified, just not this brutal. Or that something else other than wanting to cuddle would justify exactly this response.
Seems a bit careless with the language, in any case, especially considering he's a judge.
Posted by starlen at 09:48 AM | Comments (0)
August 04, 2005
Why does God hate the Boy Scouts?
First, on July 24th, 57 year-old Albert Puff, who joined the Scouts seven years ago with his grandson, suffers a fatal heart attack while volunteering for his first national Jamboree. A day later, on July 25th, four Boy Scout leaders are electrocuted while setting up a canopy for the Jamboree.
Then, on July 29, 300 Scouts at the Jamboree are treated for dehydration, and end up caught in thunderstorms (warning: will ask for login - try bugme@1not.com/goaway).
Finally (I sincerely hope), on July 30, lightning strikes a Boy Scout camp tent in Sequoia National Park, killing two and injuring six others.
What the hell is going on here? It's all incredibly tragic, and just weird. As my friend Doug, who pointed most of this out to me, asks: Why does it seem like God is literally striking down the Boy Scouts?
UPDATE: Lightning strikes again, this time in Utah, killing one Boy Scout, and injuring three more.
UPDATE II: Girl, 8, Killed by Tree at Boy Scout Camp in New Jersey, August 10.
Posted by starlen at 10:50 PM | Comments (0)
