December 23, 2005
Alright, the NES collection on eBay ended at $7200, an amount that failed to make the reserve. It's possible that somebody out there made private arrangements to buy the collection for me, but I have a feeling that the more likely possibility is that you people just don't care enough.
Maybe you bought me the Rush Limbaugh warrior painting I asked for. But let's be clear. That thing's like 20 bucks, tops, so it's not a real present, which is of course expressed in terms of dollar bills.
So I've got just the thing. It'll cost you a little more than the homoerotic Clinton-slaying Rush, but should be less than the NES collection. On the other hand, it might require smuggling, international intrigue, and the violation of numerous health code laws.
This can mean, only one thing, of course:
I want a sloth.
I could write a thousand reasons why I need a sloth, or I could just show you another picture:
They're adorable. I'll build a network of branches from my ceiling for them to hang out in, when they're not interested in sitting on the couch with me and watching tv or playing video games. Like this guy:
Seriously. Take a closer look at this guy - I think he's leering:
I don't drink beer, but somehow, I think this sloth would make me. Like, I'd put a beer in his hand, and then he'd call me a girl for not drinking with him, and then he'd make a cute leery face, and suddenly, I'm knocking one back. This might sound crazy, and yet, I think we both see it there.
Note, though - these are 3-toed sloths. If you get me a 2-toed sloth, things are likely to end up rather bloody, as I hear they can be vicious. Also, they're slightly less cute than their extra-toed counterparts.
I promise to keep my house free from jaguars and harpy eagles, two of the sloth's main predators. I'll let him swim in the apartment pool, since sloths are apparently good swimmers. Also, I see that they eat lizards. Aggie Bob and Roscoe Dudley, our two cats, catch lizards and bring them in the house all the time. Since they never eat them, this is a win-win situation for everybody involved.
Also, if you don't get me this sloth, this little girl may eat him. Seriously, somewhere on the internet, I read that they people eat sloths. I'm too tired to find it, but trust me - I found it on the internet.
Now go get me a sloth.
Posted by starlen at December 23, 2005 12:40 AM
